1. I believe that if anything is worth doing, it would have been done already.

2.  I shall never move quickly, except to avoid more work or find excuses.

3.  I will never rush into a job without a lifetime of consideration.

4.  I shall meet all of my deadlines directly in proportion to the amount 
of bodily injury I expect to receive from missing them.  

5.  I firmly believe that tomorrow holds the possibility for new 
technologies, astounding discoveries, and a reprieve from my obligations.

6.  I truly believe that all deadlines are unreasonable regardless of the 
amount of time given.

7.  I shall never forget that the probability of a miracle, though 
infinitesmally small, is not exactly zero.

8.  If at first I don't succeed, there is always next year.

9.  I shall always decide not to decide, unless of course I decide to 
change my mind.

10.  I shall always begin, start, initiate, take the first step, and/or 
write the first word, when I get around to it.

11.  I obey the law of inverse excuses which demands that the greater the 
task to be done, the more insignificant the work that must be done prior 
to beginning the greater task.

12.  I know that the work cycle is not plan/start/finish, but wait/wait/plan.

13.  I will never put off until tomorrow, what I can forget about forever.

14.  I will become a member of the Ancient Order of Two-Headed Turtles 
(The Procrastinator's Society) if they ever get it organized.